How to .... Wash up
The world is divided into those people who do the washing up straight after dinner and those filthy degenerates who leave it to develop all kinds of killer spores overnight. Some people are so keen to get on with the washing up that you've barely got the last spoonful of pineapple jelly in your mouth before they're clattering away in the kitchen.
Dishwashers have made kitchens washing-up-free zones in the same way that computers have given us paperless offices, i.e. they haven't. That’s because dishwashers, even though they use enough water to supply a small trout farm, can still only manage to clean a flat plate with a few loosely attached crumbs.
In the days before sexual equality, men could demonstrate their commitment to female empowerment by washing up after Sunday lunch. They would tuck into the washing up blissfully unaware that most of the really nasty stuff had already been washed up well before luncheon was served.
Men washing up always complain about their tools. A cloth is never enough: they need wire wool, some kind of stiff brush and industrial strength detergents. Men generally do about half the washing up and then they decide to 'leave the rest to be soak'. Unchecked, these items would then be left to soak until the end of the football season.
Finally, remember that the washing up is not finished until the kettle is on for tea and more cups dirtying.
